essay on shattered dreams

Martin Luther King, Jr. on Shattered Dreams and Unfulfilled Hopes

We come to the point of seeing that no matter how long we pray for them sometimes, and no matter how long we cry out for a solution to our problems, no matter how much we desire it, we don’t get the answer. The only answer that we get is a fading echo of our desperate cry, of our lonely cry. So we find Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane praying that the cup would be removed from him. But he has to drink it with all of its bitterness and all of its pain. We find Paul praying that the thorn would be removed from his flesh, but it is never removed, and he is forced to go all the way to the grave with it. And so in this text, we find Paul wanting to go to Spain with a, for a noble purpose, to carry the gospel of Jesus Christ to Spain. Paul never gets to Spain. He ends up in Rome, not as a free man but as a man in prison. This is the story of life. In so many instances, it becomes the arena of unrealized dreams and unfulfilled hopes, frustration with no immediate solution in the environment.

c. The final alternative is creative. It involves the exercise of a great and creative will.

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MLK: Speeches, Sermons, Essays, & Interviews

Below are King’s most essential speeches, sermons, and short writings, with links to audio and video when available.  When dates are uncertain, a likely range of when a work was composed or performed is given. See also this collection of articles by MLK scholars about nearly every conceivable dimension of King’s life and thought, and this resource on books by and about King.

November, 1954: Transformed Nonconformist.

December 5, 1955: Address to the first mass meeting of the Montgomery bus boycott. Audio .

1956: The Violence of Desperate Men .

April 1956: Our Struggle.

March 18, 1956: When Peace Becomes Obnoxious.

May 7, 1956: The Death of Evil upon the Seashore .  

November 1956: Paul’s Letter to American Christians .    Audio.

January 1, 1957: Facing the Challenge of a New Age , Address Delivered at NAACP Emancipation Day Rally.

February 6, 1957: Nonviolence and Racial Justice.           

April 7, 1957: The Birth of a New Nation .  (On King’s travels to Ghana.) Audio .

May 17, 1957: Give Us the Ballot . Audio.

September 2, 1957: “A Look to the Future,” Address Delivered at Highlander Folk School’s Twenty-fifth Anniversary Meeting.

November, 1957: Loving Your Enemies .  Audio.

March 9, 1959: Farewell Statement for All India Radio. Audio.

March 22, 1959: Palm Sunday Sermon on Mohandas K. Gandhi.   

July 1959: My Trip to the Land of Gandhi.   

October 1959: The Social Organization of Nonviolence .  (A response to Robert Williams call for Black people to take up arms.)

April, 1960: Pilgrimage to Nonviolence.  

March 1961: The Man Who Was a Fool .     

1961: Interview on BBC’s “Face to Face.”  Video.

September 1962: Can A Christian Be a Communist?          

July 1962 – March 1963: Shattered Dreams . 

July 1962 – March 1963: Love In Action .

July 1962  – March 31, 1963: A Tough Mind and a Tender Heart .

July 1962 – March 1963: On Being a Good Neighbor.

July 1962 – March 1963: Our God is Able .

July 1962 – March 1963: Antidotes for Fear .

July 1962 – March 1963: The Answer to a Perplexing Question .

June, 1963: A Knock at Midnight .  Audio .

June 23, 1963: Great March to Freedom Rally, Detroit. Audio .

August 28, 1963: I Have a Dream . Video .  Audio . 

September 18, 1963: Eulogy for the Martyred Children .  (Funeral service for the children killed in the Birmingham bombing.) Audio.

December 10, 1964: Acceptance Address for the Nobel Peace Prize . Video.

January, 1965: MLK Playboy interview . (The interviewer is Alex Hayley.)

March 25, 1965: Address at the Conclusion of the Selma to Montgomery March .  Audio.   

March 28, 1965:  Interview on Meet the Press , immediately following the Selma to Montgomery March. Video.

June, 1965: The Bravest Man I Ever Met .

July 4, 1965: The American Dream . Audio (different version.)

May 31, 1966: “Buddhists and Martyrs of the Civil Rights Movement”: Joint statement by Martin Luther King, Jr., and Thich Nhat Hanh, International Committee of Conscience on Vietnam.

June 5, 1966: Guidelines for a Constructive Church .   Audio.

January 25, 1967: Letter from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. nominating Thich Nhat Hanh for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1967 .

April 4, 1967: Beyond Vietnam .  Audio.  

April 9, 1967: The Three Dimensions of a Complete Life.   Audio.

April 14, 1967: The Other America.   Video.

August 27, 1967: Why Jesus Called a Man a Fool.   Audio.

August 16, 1967: “Where Do We Go From Here?,” Address Delivered at the Eleventh Annual SCLC Convention . Audio.

September 1, 1967: The Role of the Behavioral Scientist in the Civil Rights Movement .

October 26, 1967: What is Your Life’s Blueprint? Video. (No text version available.)

November/December 1967: The Impasse in Race Relations. Audio . (No text version available.)

November/December 1967: Conscience and the War in Vietnam. Audio.   (No text version available.)

November/December 1967: Youth and Social Action. Audio.   (No text version available.)

November/December 1967: Nonviolence and Social Change . Audio.

December 24, 1967: A Christmas Sermon on Peace (text incomplete.) Audio .

1967: Racism and the World House.             

1967: King interviewed on NBC.  Video.

1967: King interviewed on the Merv Griffin Show.  Video ( Part 1 on civil rights, part two on Vietnam and Communism.)

February 4, 1968: The Drum Major Instinct. Audio.

February 23, 1968: Honoring Dr. Du Bois .

March 3, 1968: Unfulfilled Dreams . Audio (incomplete.)

March 18, 1968: All Labor Has Dignity.

March 31, 1968: Remaining Awake Through a Great Revolution .   Audio.

April 3, 1968 (the day before King’s assassination): “ I’ve Been to the Mountaintop .” Audio .

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Your Shattered Dreams and Shaken Faith

Vaneetha Rendall Risner

No suffering is unseen, earthly loss is heavenly gain, comforting lies about suffering, living well among thorns, the voices we hear in suffering, the sight that changes suffering, your pain has an end date.

Regular Contributor

Sometimes my faith is shaken when my dreams are shattered.

I wonder where God is in the midst of my suffering. I cannot sense his presence. I feel alone and afraid. My faith wavers.

I question what I have long believed. I wonder what is real, especially when my experience doesn’t match my expectations.

This wavering deeply troubles me. I have tasted God’s goodness, enjoyed close fellowship with him, rested in his tender care. I have known both his power and his love. Yet in the midst of profound struggle, I have no answers. Just questions.

“In this life, I may never see how God is using my trials. But one day I will be grateful for them.”

John the Baptist understood this struggle as he waited in prison. He, above all men, knew who Jesus was. Even in the womb, he leapt for joy in the presence of the unborn Savior. At the beginning of Jesus’s ministry, before any of his miracles, John declared, “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!” (John 1:29). He baptized Jesus and saw God’s Spirit descend on him, testifying that he indeed was the Son of God.

And yet, at the height of Jesus’s ministry, John sent word to him from prison, asking, “Are you the one who is to come, or shall we look for another?” (Matthew 11:2–3).

At one point, John was sure that Jesus was the Messiah. Jesus further confirmed his divinity by performing miracles, yet now John was wondering what was true.

Unfulfilled Expectations

John knew from Scripture that he who gave the blind sight, made the lame walk, and preached good news to the poor could surely open “the prison to those who are bound” as prophesied in Isaiah 61:1. But Jesus didn’t do that for John.

So perhaps at this point, John doubted what he knew. If Jesus was indeed the Messiah, John probably expected to have a role in his earthly kingdom. He wouldn’t have expected to start with such a high calling, preparing the way of the Lord in the wilderness, only to end his life and his ministry in a small prison cell. Besides, John preached that the Messiah would come with an unquenchable fire. With judgment. With power. He likely expected that to be in his lifetime.

“When dreams are shattered, when faith is shaken, when there’s no easy way out, God is doing his most important work.”

None of those expectations coincided with reality. And that may have caused John to doubt. Unfulfilled expectations often elicit that response in me. Especially when I’ve been faithful.

Jesus doesn’t condemn John for his doubts. He even says that no one greater than John has ever lived. He understands why John is asking the question. And Jesus’s response to him reinforces what John already knows: that Jesus is indeed the Messiah.

At the same time, Jesus knows that John’s public ministry is over. Just like the saints in Hebrews 11, John wouldn’t receive all God’s promises but could only greet them from afar. He would not serve with Jesus or see the fulfillment of God’s kingdom. But one day he would. One day he would see his glorious part in God’s magnificent plan. He, the last of the old covenant prophets, would see how God used him to prepare the world to receive Jesus.

And John would rejoice.

But for now, John has to accept the Messiah’s plans for his life. Plans that are different than what he envisioned. He has to dwell on what he knows to be true rather than fixate on his circumstances. He has to remember who God is and trust him from a dark prison.

And so it is with me.

When Your Plans Crumble

When my plans crumble and God takes me away from my dreams, I must trust in God’s infinite wisdom. When my cup of suffering seems too much to bear, I need to rest in his immeasurable love. When my life spins out of control, I need to remember God’s absolute sovereignty.

I may not understand what is happening. But I cannot stop talking to him. Or turn away in fear. I must simply go to Jesus and tell him my doubts. Ask him to help me see.

John’s doubts are the same as mine. I wonder if God is who he says he is. And if everything is under his control. And if he truly loves me.

And when I doubt, God calls me, as he did John, to trust what I know to be true. To trust the bedrock principles that I know from Scripture and from experience. That God is completely sovereign. And loving. And wise. Not a sparrow falls to the ground apart from his will.

“When I doubt, God calls me to trust what I know to be true. To trust the bedrock principles I know from Scripture.”

In this life, I may never see how God is using my trials. But one day I will be grateful for them. All I can do now is trust that he who made the lame walk and the blind see, who died on a cross so I could spend eternity with him, is going to do the very best thing for me.

It all comes down to trust. Will I trust my circumstances that constantly change? Or will I trust God who is unchanging?

On Christ the solid rock I stand. All other ground is sinking sand.

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Sharing innovative ideas for life, shattered dreams (wisdom from a dr. king sermon).

Dr. Martin Luther King, a civil rights icon and prolific intellectual, addressed the topic of disappointment in a sermon he preached in 1962 entitled “Shattered Dreams.” The main takeaway is that it’s that how we respond to life’s inevitable setbacks that makes all the difference in the world. You can find the complete transcript at the King Institute ( here ). Below are a few highlights from the sermon that I found particularly compelling. I’ve designed it such that if you read from top to bottom you will come away with a solid grasp of the entire sermon. Dr. King undoubtedly had a way with words, but his ideas resonate even more powerfully.

Our sermon today brings us face to face with one of the most agonizing problems of human experience. Very few, if any, of us are able to see all of our hopes fulfilled. So many of the hopes and promises of our mortal days are unrealized. Each of us, like Shubert, begins composing a symphony that is never finished. There is much truth in George Frederick Watts’ imaginative portrayal of Hope in his picture entitled Hope. He depicts Hope as seated atop our planet, but her head is sadly bowed and her fingers are plucking one unbroken harp string. Who has not had to face the agony of blasted hopes and shattered dreams?

It is quite possible for one to seek to deal with this problem by distilling all his frustrations into a core of bitterness and resentment of spirit. The persons who follow this path develop a hardness of attitude and a coldness of heart. They develop a bitter hatred for life itself. In fact, hate becomes the dominant force in their lives. They hate God, they hate the people around them, and they hate themselves. Since they can’t corner God or life, they take out their vengeance on other people. If they are married they are extremely cruel to their mate. If they have children, they treat them in the most inhuman manner. When they are not beating them, they are screaming at them; and when they are not screaming at them, they are cursing them. In short, they are mean. They love nobody and they demand no love. They trust no one and do not expect anyone to trust them. They find fault in everything and everybody. They always complain. You have seen people like this. They are cruel, vindictive and merciless.

Another possible reaction to the experience of blasted hopes is for the individuals to withdraw completely into themselves. They become absolute introverts. They allow no one to come into their lives and they refuse to go out to others. Such persons give up in the struggle of life. They lose the zest for living. They attempt to escape the disappointments of life by lifting their minds to a transcendent realm of cold indifference. Detachment is the word that may describe them. They are too unconcerned to love and they are too passionless to hate. They are too detached to be selfish and too lifeless to be unselfish. They are too indifferent to experience moments of joy and they are too cold to experience moments of sorrow.16 In short, such people are neither dead nor alive; they merely exist. Their eyes behold the beauties of nature, and yet they do not see them. Their ears are subjected to the majestic sounds of great music, and yet they do not hear it. Their hands gently touch a charming little baby, and yet they do not feel him. There is nothing of the aliveness of life left in them; there is only the dull motion of bare existence. Their disappointed hope leads them to a crippling cynicism.

Another way that people respond to life’s disappointments is to adopt a philosophy of fatalism. This is the idea that whatever happens must happen, and that all events are determined by necessity. Fatalism implies something foreordained and inescapable. The people who subscribe to The this philosophy follow a course of absolute resignation. They resign themselves to what they consider their fate. They see themselves as little more than helpless orphans thrown out in the terrifying immensities of space. Since they believe that man has no freedom, they seek neither to deliberate nor to make decisions. They wait passively for external forces to deliberate and decide for them. They never actively seek to change their circumstances, since they believe that all circumstances, like the Greek tragedies, are controlled by irresistible and foreordained forces. Often the fatalists are very religious people who see God as the determiner and controller of destiny. Everything, they feel, is God’s will, however evil it happens to be.

For one to sink in the quicksands of this type of fatalism is both intellectually and psychologically stifling. Since freedom is a part of the essence of man, the fatalist, in his denial of freedom, becomes a puppet and not a person. He is right in his conviction that there is no absolute freedom, and that freedom always operates within the framework of predestined structure. Thus a man is free to go north from Atlanta to Washington or South from Atlanta to Miami. But he is not free to go north to Miami or South to Washington. Freedom is always within destiny. But there is freedom. We are both free and destined. Freedom is the act of deliberating, deciding and responding within our destined nature.

But even more, fatalism is based on a terrible conception of God. It sees everything that happens, evil and good alike, as the will of God. Any healthy religion will rise above the idea that God wills evil. It is true that God has to permit evil in order to preserve the freedom of man. But this does not mean that he causes it. That which is willed is intended, and the idea that God intends for a child to be born blind, or that God gives cancer to this person and inflicts insanity upon another is rank heresy. Such a false idea makes God into a devil rather than a loving Father. So fatalism is a tragic and dangerous way to deal with the problem of unfulfilled dreams.

What, then, is the answer? We must accept our unwanted and unfortunate circumstance and yet cling to a radiant hope. The answer lies in developing the capacity to accept the finite disappointment and yet cling to the infinite hope. In speaking of acceptance, I do not mean the grim, bitter acceptance of those who are fatalistic. I mean the kind of acceptance that Jeremiah achieved as expressed in the words, “this is my grief and I must bear it.”

This means sitting down and honestly confronting your shattered dream. Don’t follow the escapist method of trying “to put it out of your mind.” This will lead to repression which is always psychologically injurious. Place it at the forefront of your mind and stare daringly at it. Then ask yourself, “how can I transform this liability into an asset?”. . . Almost anything that happens to us can be woven into the purposes of God. It may lengthen our cords of sympathy. It may break our self-centered pride. Even the cross, which was willed by wicked men, was woven by God into the redemption of the world.

Many of the world’s most influential characters have transformed their thorns into a crown. Charles Darwin was almost always physically ill. Robert Louis Stevenson was inflicted with tuberculosis. Helen Keller was blind and deaf. But they did not respond to these conditions with bitter resentment and grim fatalism. Rather they stood up to life, and, through the exercise of a dynamic will, transformed a negative into a positive. [George Frideric] Handel confronted the most difficult and trying circumstances in his life. Says his biographer: “His health and his fortunes had reached the lowest ebb. His right side had become paralyzed, and his money was all gone. His creditors seized him and threatened him with imprisonment. For a brief time he was tempted to give up the fight—but then he rebounded again to compose the greatest of his inspirations, the epic “Messiah.”

In the final analysis our ability to deal creatively with shattered dreams and blasted hopes will be determined by the extent of our faith in God. A genuine faith will imbue us with the conviction that there is a God beyond time and a Life beyond Life. Thus we know that we are not alone in any circumstance, however dismal and catastrophic it may be. God dwells with us in life’s confining and oppressive cells. And even if we die there having not received the earthly promise, he will walk with us down that mysterious road called death, and lead us at last to that indescribable city that he has prepared for us. Let us never feel that God’s creative power is exhausted by this earthly life, and his majestic love is locked within the limited walls of time and space. This would be a strongly irrational universe if God did not bring about an ultimate wedding of virtue and fulfillment. This would be an absurdly absurdly meaningless universe if death turned out to a blind alley leading the human race into a state of nothingness. God, through Christ has taken the sting from death, and it no longer has dominion over us. This earthly life is merely an embryonic prelude to a new awakening, and death is an open door that leads us into life eternal.

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The Papers of Martin Luther King, Jr. Volume VI

Devoted to documenting the life of one of America’s best-known advocates for peace and justice,  Advocate of the Social Gospel , Volume VI of  The Papers of Martin Luther King, Jr. , breaks the chronology of the planned fourteen-volume edition.

This groundbreaking work provides a unique look at King’s never-before-published early sermons, drawn from a private file of materials King kept in his study and used to prepare his homilies. In 1997, Coretta Scott King granted the King Papers senior editorial staff permission to examine papers stored in the basement of the King family home. A battered cardboard box held a trove of sermon notes, outlines, and full sermon texts from the years up to and including King’s involvement in the Montgomery bus boycott in 1956, a period for which few of King’s religious writings had been available previously.

In this volume, the reader can compare King’s early handwritten sermon notes and sermon texts with later versions of his homilies, including transcriptions of audio recordings of famous King sermons, such as “Paul’s Letter to American Christians” and “The Three Dimensions of a Complete Life.” These transcriptions, which contain responses by enthusiastic congregation members, show King at the height of his oratorical power and provide a basis for comparison between his sermon drafts and delivered sermons. The volume also contrasts the manuscripts that King originally submitted for his well-known 1963 book of sermons,  Strength to Love,  with the published versions, toned down in order to be palatable to a broader audience.

Collectively, these documents shed considerable light on the preaching and theological preparation of one of America’s most prominent religious leaders. They reveal that King’s concern about poverty, human rights, and social justice is clearly present in his earliest handwritten sermons, which convey a message of faith, hope, and love for the dispossessed. His enduring message can be charted through his years as a seminary student, as pastor of Dexter Avenue Baptist Church, as a leader of the Montgomery bus boycott, and, ultimately, as an internationally renowned proponent of human rights who saw himself fundamentally as an “advocate of the social gospel.”

This volume is dedicated to the memory of Coretta Scott King.

© The Estate of Martin Luther King, Jr.

Download the Introduction to Volume 6 (pdf)

I: Crozer Years

II: Boston Years

III: Dexter Avenue Baptist Church

IV: Ebenezer Baptist Church

V: Strength to Love, Drafts

VI: Undated Homiletic Material

Addendum:  Messages Following the Stabbing

In this Publication

From ruth h. and ralph j. bunche.

Bunche, Ralph J. (United Nations); Bunche, Ruth H. September 20, 1958

Three Essays on Religion

King, Martin Luther, Jr. September 01, 1948 to May 31, 1951

How do we determine conjectured information?

More Publications

The papers of martin luther king, jr. volume i, the papers of martin luther king, jr. volume iii, the papers of martin luther king, jr. volume v.

• DOI: 10.1080/10811449908409725
• Corpus ID: 143080118

Shattered dreams, resiliency, and hope: “restorying” after loss

• Published 1 April 1999
• Journal of Personal & Interpersonal Loss

35 Citations

Disenfranchised grief following a traumatic birth, from tragedy to triumph: developing resiliency from childhood trauma, facing loss and finding hope in narrating together: accounts of parenthood following the death of a child to muscular dystrophy, the betrayed partner’s experiences with grief and loss following the discovery of an extramarital affair.

• Highly Influenced

Title Forgotten Grievers : An Exploration of the Grief Experiences ofBereaved Grandparents

"forgotten grievers. an exploration of the grief experiences of bereaved grandparents.", 37 references, using poetry, fiction, and essays to help people face shattered dreams, hope in pastoral care and counseling, shattered assumptions: towards a new psychology of trauma, an unquiet mind, a memoir of moods and madness, loss and recovery, living beyond loss: death in the family, embracing their memory: loss and the social psychology of storytelling, coping with infant or fetal loss: the couple's healing process, disenfranchised grief: recognizing hidden sorrow, bereavement; studies of grief in adult life, related papers.

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The Difference between Dealing with Stress and Grieving a Shattered Dream: A Two-Part Article

“All connections are infused with dreams of what is possible in the future. Thus, when we lose something or someone important to us, we aren’t just grieving the loss, we are grieving the shattered dream.”  ~ Bill Crawford

I know that this was my experience when I lost my parents. Being a male raised in the piney woods of North East Texas, I thought that the way to deal with grief was to resist feeling anything, and so, when faced with the loss of my parents (and given that I was an only child in my family), I shut down and tried to feel nothing. Unfortunately, not only was I successful in this resistance, I received a lot of support for this position. People would come up to me and congratulate me for “doing so well” and “being so strong.” Little did they know that I had shut down altogether, and was just going through the motions.

Finally, after years of denial, I entered a master’s program in psychology that had the wisdom to insist that the students deal with their issues before they were let loose on the public. This requirement turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because it allowed me to get in touch with these long-repressed emotions in a safe place with people that I trusted. As a result, I finally began open up and allow myself to feel the emotions that had been buried for so long, and a very strange thing happened.

For the first time in my life, it felt really, really good to feel really, really bad.

You see, when I had decided to feel no pain at the loss of my parents, I also had unwittingly shut off my connection to my love for them as well. Thus, when I was willing to open to the pain and allow it to be a reflection of my love, I was able to give the experience of grieving a sense of purpose and meaning. The tears became a testimony to my love for the two people who had given me life.

I also noticed that I was not only grieving the loss of my parents, but also what would never be. As I mentioned, I was only 21 at the time of their death, and was just beginning to reconnect with them after my “teenage independence” phase. Not only was that reconciliation cut short, but I realized that they would never see their grandchildren, never see me earn my Ph.D., and I would never have the opportunity to give to them as they had given to me.

This “Shattered Dream” concept (developed by Chicago psychologist, Ken Moses) has come to be a major component in my work with others who have experienced a loss. Whether grieving the loss of a relationship, a loved one, a job, a pet, or even just the discovery that what we thought was going to happen will never come to pass, what we are all grieving is a shattered dream. Plus, since the dream, or our vision of the future is always perfect, always about hope and what we see as possible, the resulting grief reflects this depth of this pain.

Next week I will conclude this two-part discussion with another quote on grief, and some ideas about how to move through this process in a way that facilitates healing and wholeness. For now, however, I encourage you to think back about the losses in your life. Did any of them have a shattered dream attached? Did you find yourself resisting the feelings associated with the loss because you either didn’t want to feel that pain and/or you felt you had to be “strong” for those around you? If so, maybe now is the time to begin to reconsider our feelings in this area and discover whether there might be some reason that the experience of grief is so universally consistent . . . some wisdom in the way our body feels after a loss . . . some way to move through this process in a way that allows us to not only grieve the shattered dream, but to begin to create more purposeful dreams of the future.

“Grieving is not the problem, it’s part of the solution. It is an unlearned, self-sufficient process that helps us to move from the past to the future, from inaction to action… from shattered dreams to more purposeful dreams based upon who we really are and what we can create.” ~ adapted from Ken Moses

As promised, in this second quote and comment on grief, I am going to attempt to offer some thoughts on how we might move through this emotional minefield and not only survive, but actually find meaning in the process . . . how we can move from grieving our shattered dreams to a place where we can create new, more purposeful dreams, and how the experience of grieving can be a both an honoring of the past and a pathway to the future.

As with my other ideas and philosophies on dealing with stress, frustration, anger, etc., the first thing I feel we need to understand is how the experience of grieving is tied to the physiology of our body. For example, most people know that we have two nervous systems: the sympathetic and the parasympathetic. The sympathetic nervous system is designed to gear us up to be able to fight or flee when faced with a threat or trauma of some sort. The parasympathetic nervous system is designed to bring us back to normal after facing this sort of trauma (such as loss). What many people don’t know, however, is that one of the functions of this parasympathetic nervous system is the stimulation of the tear glands! Thus, crying (and the experience of grieving, in general) isn’t in the way… it is the way! It’s our parasympathetic nervous system kicking in to help us deal with the loss, return to “normal,” and go on with life.

As mentioned in the previous quote and comment on grief, this unfortunately isn’t how our culture views the experience. We in the West tend to define crying and the other emotions associated with grief as “losing it, breaking down, falling to pieces,” etc., and thus we tend to resist these emotions when they come upon us. Unfortunately, this has us exerting a tremendous amount of energy to keep these feelings at bay, and thus not only do we feel exhausted as a result, we are blocking the very process that is designed to help us heal and move on.

This is where Chicago psychologist, Ken Moses, does an exceptional job of helping us see these emotions for the natural, normal, and even healthy “feeling states” that they are. First, the fact that he defines these as “seven feeling states of grieving,” versus “five stages of grief” is very helpful. While Elizabeth Kubler-Ross was very instrumental in helping us normalize the experience of grieving, as anyone who has experienced a loss knows, we don’t move smoothly from one stage to another until we arrive at acceptance. We might start with shock and denial, but then we might feel (in no particular order) confusion, anxiety, anger, fear, depression, and even guilt. Further, we can easily find ourselves re-experiencing these feeling states as they seem to wash over us much like a wave in the ocean. In fact, as with a wave, if we try to fight it, we will be unceremoniously up-ended, tossed around, and eventually thrown to the bottom. If, however, we are willing to let the wave roll over us, surrender to its natural, gravitational forces, and avoid trying to fight the experience, we can ride the current, eventually break the surface of the water, and begin to swim for shore.

In order to do this, we must first see the process of feeling not as the problem, but part of the solution . . . as our parasympathetic nervous system kicking in to help us deal with the trauma of loss. Next, we must understand why the loss affects us in this profound way. As mentioned in last week’s quote, we are grieving not just the loss of a person or situation (job, relationship, etc.) we are also grieving a shattered dream and/or the hopes and dreams of what we thought was possible, but will now never come to pass. Plus, we are also very likely grieving any past shattered dreams that we resisted grieving at the time of the loss.

One way to help with this process of moving through the feeling states of grieving is to give them meaning. Unfortunately, for many of us, the emotions we feel after a loss only serve to underline how much pain we are in, and since we think (intellectually) that this only makes things worse, we resist feeling the feelings. This is understandable, it just doesn’t work.

What we need to do instead is to first see these emotions as the parasympathetic nervous system kicking in to bring us back to normal, and then give each of the feelings meaning other than just to remind us of the pain of the loss. For example, Ken Moses speaks of how shock and denial (generally the first of the feeling states) allow us to retreat into ourselves so that we can begin to marshall resources to deal with the loss. In other words, the reason it initially feels too overwhelming to deal with the loss is because it is actually too overwhelming. What is needed is a time of numbness so that we can create internal and external resources to help us face and accept what seems unacceptable. Anger and anxiety then move us from inaction to action, and help us begin to establish the kind of boundaries we need at times like these . . . boundaries that allow us to take care of ourselves versus always being so concerned about the needs of others that we put ourselves last on the list.

As mentioned in my previous quote and comment on the subject of grief (Grieving the Shattered Dream, Part I – http://www.billcphd.com/quotes/grief-part1.php), crying can also be given a purpose. Instead of it being a sign of our failure to cope, or what we must hide to avoid making others uncomfortable, it can be a behavioral representation of our love for what or who we lost. When working with people who are grieving (or when grieving myself), I recommend allowing the tears to flow all the way down our cheeks and even drip onto our clothes, versus stopping them cold with a tissue at the edge of our eyes the way most people do.

Regardless of how we cry, however, what’s important is that we cry with purpose, or in a way that is meaningful, because if we can give these tears meaning, if we can see them as “liquid love” or as a way to connect to and even celebrate our love for who or what we have lost, then we can allow the wave to sweep over us, cleanse us, and even begin to wash away the pain.

Anyone who has ever had a “good cry” knows this feeling. We surrender to the emotion, temporarily “losing control” and the natural, normal, healthy experience of grieving takes us to a new place . . . a place where the pain is not quite as bad and yet the memory of the lost love is still as strong, or maybe even stronger because now we have learned to feel the love through the pain and give them both new meaning…a place where we move from the past to the future, from inaction to action, from shattered dreams to more purposeful dreams based upon who we really are and what we can create.

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Shattered Dreams

By: Steve   •  Essay  •  823 Words  •  December 13, 2009  •  950 Views

Essay title: Shattered Dreams

When I was a young girl growing up the best thing I remember were Sunday’s getting ready for church. After church, my family would proceed to have a meal together. We were a close family that shared conversations, laughter, and prayer. The strongest value was our Catholic religion. My parents taught us to live strictly by our religious teachings. My siblings and I had to attend church every Sunday and on Holy days of Obligation. We had to pray before and after each meal, pray in the mornings upon rising and in the evenings before retiring to bed. We also did a lot of charity work like feeding the homeless and visiting the shut-ins. I’ve attended Catholic School most of my life. I appreciated the significance and teachings we were taught. My parents did an exceptional job teaching us how to live by the Ten Commandments.

My image of marriage became a shattered dream when I was eleven years old, because my father who had taught me how to build a strong family with a religious foundation was committing adultery! The devastation flooded my thoughts and crushed my image of my father. My father who was my protector, someone I trusted, and had turned to for words of wisdom had betrayed my family and me! He didn’t know it at the time, but he set a picture of how a husband was supposed to be for me.

Divorce is the ending of two people who were married by law. (Webster’s dictionary) Donald Huges, author of “The Divorce Reality”, states “In the churches, people have a superstitious view that Christianity will keep from divorce, but they are subjected to the same problem as everyone else, and they include a lack of relationships skills . . . which is 90% of the United States.” (religion.com)The dysfunctions divorce couples face are money issues, lack of communication, and cheating spouses. In 2003, the husbands who have admitted to cheating on a spouse were 5%. The wives who admitted to cheating on a spouse were 4.55%. In 2004, Oprah’s magazine had a survey of women who have cheated on their spouses was 15%. The percentage of men was unknown. The couples who have been married despite an affair was 78%, later described the marriage as unhappy or empty. The thought which remains with me is, if you love and respect someone with your whole heart, why would any person destroy a family’s foundation and morals for a moment of lust?

When a divorce happens it affects the whole family. Depending on the children’s age, the parents should explain the situation with their children. In 2003 Bernalillo County’s divorce rate for families with children was 46% and families without children were 36%. The sole custody rate was 82% granted to the mothers. The parents who agree for joint custody of their children are 15% of mother’s and 35% of father’s. (divorcepeers.com)

I acknowledge marriage has decayed for most people. The age of marriage

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Review: ‘Destiny of Shattered Dreams’ by Nilesh Rathod

People often enjoy tales told by insiders. ‘Destiny of Shattered Dreams’ is one such story that reveals the results of unbridled greed, uncontrolled lust and deep-rooted arrogance of a businessman – Atul Shyamlal Malhotra. He’s ambitious. He’s arrogant. He’s corrupt. He’s promiscuous. He’s everything we know as bad in this world.

But he’s not unstoppable. When the fate comes calling, he pays a hefty price for all the malevolence he’s committed.

There is much more than just the impeccable plot in the novel And that is the background of the author – Nilesh Rathod – who himself owns a company which employs more than 2000 people. Nilesh lives a life of a true businessman and is surrounded with folks like Atul. So if we call him an insider of the industry or the business world, it would not be wrong.

It does not stop here. I have also closely witnessed the rise and the fall of many a men like Atul – who have been arrogant, ambitious and ravenous for money and sex in the IT industry. I say it on the basis of my decade long experience as the operations editor of India’s leading IT magazine Dataquest. I’ve seen many such stories that match the magnitude of the life of the protagonist – Atul. I could easily relate his life as depicted in the ‘Destiny of Shattered Dreams’ to quite a few infamous personalities whom perhaps most of us can recall. I’m talking about the likes of Ramalinga Raju of Satyam Computers and Phaneesh Murthy who was the man behind Infosys’ US expansion and later iGate’s exponential growth. We know what happened to them later.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading the novel. It barely bores you. However, I do not believe in revealing the story since it can jeopardize your interest.

While I would appreciate Nilesh’s literary passion in his maiden work, I won’t refrain from advising that he needs to bring in brevity into his later works. Overall I recommend this book to everyone who loves good fiction.

The writing style is far better and matches the literary standards that bridge the gap between a literary work and a commercial work. His style is way above when compared to the C-graders such as Chetan Bhagat and Amish Tripathi.

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Shattered dreams.

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            Flashing lights, screeching tires, and the shattering of glass. The horror of the events that happened that night is beyond belief. It was the most terrifying night of my entire life and can still be remembered like it was yesterday.              My best friend Kelly is a supermodel. She has been in the modeling business for about two years now. Although not yet a worldwide known model, she has been in the business long enough to be recognized by some of the big agencies in New York and California. We went to school together and we have been friends since as long as I can remember. .              Kelly's management was hosting a business party. Being the great friend that she is, she invited me along. I had to work that night so I wasn't able to come with Kelly; I had to come an hour late instead. It was so much fun meeting and being able to spend time with many models and big businessmen. We were there for almost four hours when Kelly decided it was time to leave. .              "Would you like to come back to my new house? You've never seen it yet and I would love to show you." Kelly asked. .              "Sounds great!" I replied. .              "Oh, and you can spend the night if you would like, since it's late." Kelly added.              I was delighted and decided that I would. Since we took separate cars, Kelly led the way and I followed. The night was quiet and the roads were empty. It was very peaceful. .              We came around a corner and that's when it happened. The horrible accident that I want to forget but can't. About twenty feet in front of me, Kelly drove around the bend and out of nowhere came two bright headlights that collided head on into Kelly's silver Mercedes, causing both cars to be severely damaged. The other car flipped over from the impact and landed upside down. I slammed on my brakes and swerved around the two cars to avoid becoming a part of the accident. I frantically jumped out of my car and ran over to the car that was choking up smoke. I needed to see if Kelly was all right.

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A full-scale mock crash at Lehman High School was one part of the Shattered Dreams program designed to discourage teens from drinking and driving. Local emergency personnel handled the scene as if it were real. Students played the roles of crash victims at the scene or, throughout the day, when the Grim Reaper, a.k.a. volunteer Kyle firefighter Mike Fulton, pulled them from class every 15 minutes showing how often someone dies from drunken driving. Crash victims left the accident by ambulance, sheriff’s car or hearse as part of the event. (Photo by Lincoln Ramirez)

by KIM HILSENBECK

About 2,000 Lehman High School students watched a drunken driving accident dramatization unfold in front of them in an eerie silence. The sounds of sirens from local law enforcement and emergency responder vehicles pierced the drizzly, gray March morning.

In the middle of it all, the Grim Reaper waited for his next victims.

“This is shocking,” said Sierra Sambrano, 17, who had a front row view of the events. “We know most of these kids,” she said quietly. “It really makes you think.”

The kids, Tiffany Rodriguez, 15, Kody Banda, 18, Rebecca Garza, 17, Harleigh Elliott, 18, Jeremiah Flynn, 18, and Anissa Robles, 18, are all Lehman students who portrayed the drivers and passengers of the crash, which was staged in the middle of the Lehman High parking lot as part of the Shattered Dreams program.

Two crash victims were taken away from the mock scene in ambulances; the rest of the scenario played out at Seton Medical Center Hays. The families of both were brought in and watched their son or daughter “die.”

Sgt. Phillip Taylor, the sheriff’s community outreach officer, said Elliott, who played the role of the drunken driver, would go through the same procedures any driver who causes the death of others would. Following a sobriety test and arrest, complete with handcuffs, Elliott —who seemed to be crying real tears—was hauled off in a sheriff’s vehicle and booked into custody.

“She’ll be taken to jail, booked, photographed, and put in a holding cell,” Taylor said. “She’ll get to call her parents from jail and tell them she’s been charged with intoxication manslaughter.”

The mock crash was just one part of the Shattered Dreams program, according to Tim Savoy, Hays CISD spokesman.

Each of the crash victims wrote a winning essay to be part of the event, according to Karin Prado, a teacher at Lehman and a student council adviser. Her co-adviser Erin Powell helped the student council coordinate the internal Lehman High activities.

“We had 27 essay winners overall who were involved either in the crash or throughout the day,” Prado said.

Other students with winning essays were pulled from class by the Grim Reaper, played by volunteer Kyle firefighter Mike Fulton. The Reaper went room to room every 15 minutes selecting more victims – silently placing a hand on their shoulder – representing how often someone dies in drunken driving-related crashes.

A Hays County sheriff’s officer read obituaries to the classes of those pulled by the Grim Reaper. Photos and obituaries were later posted in the main hallway, decked out as a graveyard, where others could write a note to the deceased victims. Those victims, who returned to class in makeup and black T-shirts, spent the rest of the day in silence.

Alexis Cervantes, 17, walked out of room C102 slowly behind the Grim Reaper. Her eyes welled with tears, her head down. She listened from the hall as a sheriff’s officer read her obituary.

Cervantes was still emotional as Lehman’s theater club members did her death makeup. She said it was an emotional day. She wrote the essay to participate in Shattered Dreams because her aunt was killed by a drunken driver several years ago. She was 26.

“Her death really had a big effect on me,” Cervantes said.

Parents of the mock deceased victims were notified by the Sheriff’s Office about their son or daughter’s “death.” Taylor said everything was prearranged so as not to completely freak parents out.

The full-scale mock drunken driving crash was part of the Shattered Dreams program created by the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission in the late 1990s. In 2001, the program came to Hays CISD under the direction of Hays County Justice of the Peace Beth Smith, along with her daughters Crystal Dixon and Tiffany Kurnutt.

“We know kids drink,” said Dixon. “We hope that by experiencing this Shattered Dreams program, they make better choices about drinking and driving.”

2012 marks the fifth presentation to students in the district. The program alternates between Lehman and Hays high schools every few years.

The dramatization, which took months of coordination, involved the Hays County Sheriff’s Office, police and fire departments from Kyle and Buda, Hays County Pct. 2 Justice of the Peace and County Constable, the Department of Public Safety, Seton Medical Center Hays, Harrell Funeral Home, and professional makeup artist Jon Claeton. Inclement weather prevented the emergency airlift helicopter from arriving.

That evening, participating students took part in an off-sight retreat to discuss their experience. They wrote letters to their parents, in some cases apologizing for causing an accident or getting in the car with a drunken driver.

An assembly the next day gave Lehman students a chance to discuss their feelings and experiences about Shattered Dreams.

Several parents of the students portraying victims during the event shared their experience of having a Hays County sheriff’s deputy show up at their home to let them know their child was killed in a drunken driving accident.

The final speaker was Lydia Serna, mother of Rebecca Garza, whose ex-husband is serving a seven to ten-year prison term for multiple DUI offenses. Serna said he missed out on his kids’ childhoods because he chose drinking.

Prado said the message about never drinking and driving really hit home with Lehman students, especially after the assembly.

“Everyone was very emotional today,” she said. “Some of the kids lost it.”

haysfreepress.com 113 W. Center St. Kyle, Texas 78640 Phone: 512-268-7862 Email: [email protected]

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The world-wide literary novel from early 20th century onwards, spitz: island of shattered dreams.

Home » Tahiti » Chantal Spitz » L’île des rêves écrasés (Island of Shattered Dreams)

Chantal Spitz: L’île des rêves écrasés (Island of Shattered Dreams)

This is, apparently, the first ever novel written by an indigenous Tahitian, at least so it is claimed. Spitz tells the story of four generations of a family, living on the fictitious island of Maeva, against the background of events in Tahiti, particularly French colonisation and what it has done (and is still doing) to the Tahitians. However, though it clearly is a political novel, with a strong point of view, particularly as relates to French nuclear testing, it is also a tale told in fable form about the family and their strong attachment to their land and their family. It also tends to take a very black and white approach, with most of the Tahitians being good and most of the foreigners, primarily the French, being bad. She uses not only the fable form but also interjects a fair amount of poetry and quotes various traditional fables, including their creation myth, according to which the Polynesians preceded the Europeans.

We start with Tematua, son of Maevarua and Teuira. He becomes a young man. A man arrives from the main island to tell them that the Motherland needs help because it is fighting Germany, which has invaded them. The people are bemused as they have no idea what the Motherland is, or what Germany is. Why should they help defend a country they do not know and have barely heard of? Why did he say that they were children of the same nation when clearly they are children of a very different nation? And, finally, why was it wrong for Germany to invade this Motherland, when the foreigner invaded their country? Despite this, Tematua and sixteen other young men go off to France. Only five come back, including Tematua. Meanwhile, on another island, Toofa, an attractive woman, is seen by Charles Williams, an Englishman, who is rich and married. William manages to seduce Toofa and, as his wife cannot have children, he is very happy when she becomes pregnant. However, the child, a girl that he names Emily but she names Emere, grows up more attached to her mother but still fond of her father and seeing him regularly.

Williams builds a large house for his daughter and when, inevitably, she and Tematua get together, that is where they live. Tematua does not like it, preferring the small, Tahitian-style houses he grew up in, and so, with Emere’s agreement, he builds a Tahitian house for them. The couple have three children: Terii, a boy, Eritapeta (Elisabeth) and Tetiare, a girl. Terii is a calm child, taking in the world that surrounds him with an insatiable appetite, a thirst for knowledge and a hunger for understanding . However, when he goes to high school he has to go and live with his grandmother, as there is no high school on the island where they live. It is here where he struggles with his identity, part white, part Tahitian. Eritapeta, a lovely child and young woman, has no problems with her identity. However, when she meets Tihoti, a young man to whom she is attracted but who comes from a poor neighbourhood, she is conflicted and cannot fully accept him as a person. Tetiare is a dreamer and lives as a Tahitian, wanting no part of the white world.

Everything changes when the Motherland decides to locate its nuclear missile defence system on their island. Charles Williams is happy to sell the property to the government for a large sum of money. The whole family, except for Eritapeta, is devastated and are united in opposition but opposition is futile. (Spitz herself was very much opposed to it and fought against it .) The local government, which is broke, is very keen to agree in exchange for money, despite promising to help the local people. The people do take up the fight. However, things become more complicated when the French woman appointed to run the system, Laura Lebrun, starts an affair with Terii.

This book is fairly straightforward, clearly, in part, autobiographical and also very political. Spitz does not conceal her opposition to French rule and not just because of the nuclear installation. It is an interesting read, not least to see the culture of the Tahitians, which clearly is under threat from the temptations of the West, a point Spitz makes very clearly. Indeed, she has said that this book was not originally written as novel but as testament for her children to read.

Publishing history

First published 1991 by Les Éditions de la plage First published in English 2007 by Huia, Wellington Translated by Jean Anderson

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Brick Lane has stimulated a wide range of debates regarding Monica Ali's portrayal of the inhabitants of the area from which the novel has taken its title. This essay claims that assimilation is the key theme of the novel, and that the desire to achieve it is represented most strongly in the character of Chanu. The latter's primary goal is to assimilate himself into the English society in which he now lives. In order to demonstrate just how complex this assimilation process is, Chanu is discussed in relation to society's influence on him and four concepts of post colonial theory, namely double consciousness, unhomeliness, mimicry and hybridity.

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Kolkata doctor rape-murder | Father shares heart-wrenching details in interview: 'Dreams shattered in one night'

Kolkata doctor rape-murder: the father of the victim shared that a career in medicine was the lifelong dream of his only child..

Kolkata doctor rape-murder: The father of a 31-year-old trainee doctor, who was allegedly raped and murdered during a rest break at Kolkata's RG Kar Medical College and Hospita,l recalled her daughter’s love for medicine.

In a heart-wrenching interview with The Guardian, the father said they belong a poor family and his daughter was raised with a lot of hardship.

“She worked extremely hard to become a doctor. All she did was study, study, study… All our dreams have been shattered in one night. We sent her to work and the hospital gave us her body. It’s all finished for us,” The Guardian quoted the father as saying.

Also Follow | Kolkata doctor rape-murder case live updates

"My daughter isn’t coming back. I’m never going to hear her voice or laugh. All I can do now is concentrate on getting her justice,” he added.

Also Read | Sandip Ghosh indulged in ‘business of dead bodies’, says RG Kar medical college ex-colleague: Report

On August 9, the body of the postgraduate trainee doctor was found in the seminar hall of state-run RG Kar Medical College and Hospital in Kolkata. A civic volunteer, Sanjoy Roy, was arrested in connection with the crime the next day. Later, the Calcutta high court handed over the case to the Central Bureau of Investigation.

The rape and murder of the doctor at RG Kar hospital in Kolkata on 9 August, and subsequent handling of the case by the authorities, has led to protests and strikes by doctors across India.

Also Read | Ex-TMC MP Mimi Chakraborty receives rape threats for backing Kolkata doctors' protest

The father of the victim shared that a career in medicine was the lifelong dream of his only child. At 31, she had defied the odds to secure one of the approximately 107,000 spots in India’s medical colleges, where over a million aspiring doctors compete each year, The Guardian report added.

Her parents supported her dream with the unstable income her father made as a tailor.

“She said: ‘Papa, it’s a good thing to become a doctor and help others. What do you think?’ I said: ‘OK, do it. We’ll help you.’ And look what happened,” the father recalled.

Kolkata rape-murder: What mother-in-law of accused said

The mother-in-law of accused suggested the involvement of more people in the crime as she said that Sanjoy Roy could not have done it alone.

Recounting her daughter's experience with Sanjoy Roy while speaking to news agency ANI on Monday, the woman described the relationship as tense adding that Sanjoy Roy thrashed her daughter against which a police complaint was filed.

"My relations with him were very tense," she said, adding, “Initially, everything was good for 6 months. When she was 3 months pregnant, he caused a miscarriage. He thrashed her, and a police complaint was registered for the same. Following this, my daughter continued being ill, I bore all her expenses for medicines.”

"Sanjoy was not good. Hang him or do whatever you want with him. I won't speak about the crime. He could not have done it alone. He can't do it alone," she said.

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