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2024-25 Penn State Supplemental Essay – Prompt & Advice

August 12, 2024

With an acceptance rate still above 50%, it would be easy to misjudge how challenging the Penn State admissions landscape truly is. In fact, those entering the famed University Park campus sport mid-50 SATs of 1320-1450. They also boast an unweighted GPA range of 3.65-3.94 . Accordingly, successful applicants in 2024-25 should prepare to write a strong Penn State supplemental essay.

(Want to learn more about How to Get Into Penn State? Visit our blog entitled:  How to Get Into Penn State University: Admissions Data and Strategies  for all of the most recent admissions data as well as tips for gaining acceptance.)

In a competitive admissions environment, every piece of the Penn State application takes on a high level of importance. Therefore, it is vital that all Nittany Lion applicants dedicate a significant amount of time to this optional essay. Below is the lone PSU supplemental prompt for the 2024-25 admissions cycle along with our advice for composing a winning essay.

Penn State Supplemental Essay — Optional

This is your opportunity to share something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or academic records. tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at penn state. while the personal statement is not required, it is highly encouraged (650 words). .

This essay is technically “optional” but all serious applicants should view it as mandatory. Unlike many “optional” essays that may or may not apply to you (e.g. COVID impact, gap in education, gender identity, etc.), just about every applicant has at least one extracurricular or experience worth elaborating on. Note that Penn State does not require the Common App personal statement , so you can always choose to modify that essay for this prompt.

Let’s go over the two general angles that we most often see students take…

The activity/experience angle

Are there any activities on your application that are crying out for more explanation and detail? Which one is closest to your heart and most representative of your unique passions? Pick the option that will allow you to deliver additional detail that may be memorable to the admissions reader. Start this process by asking, “What is the most interesting and consequential moment I have experienced in my extracurricular activities? How will this experience—and what I learned—demonstrate my preparedness for and/or potential contributions to Penn State?”

For example, you may be a volunteer EMT and have compelling experiences to share—experiences that taught you how to remain calm under pressure, a quality you’ll bring with you to the classroom. Alternatively, perhaps you worked in a local restaurant and learned more about the lives of your undocumented coworkers, which inspired you to become involved in immigration-related issues and even complete a specialized research project. You believe your ability to remain open-minded and empathetic will allow to you better connect with others and experience deeper learning.

The more broad “about you” angle

Of course, this prompt has a wider scope than just an activity. Consider that the admissions reader is already familiar with your academic history, activities, and awards. What don’t they know, or, what could they understand on a deeper level? This could be a particular skill or talent or something about your character or personality. On the other hand, you may wish to speak more about your passions, hobbies, ideas, or beliefs. Any of those options are perfectly fine!

This one is intentionally open-ended so use this space to share your most cherished accomplishments or most winning attributes. The university itself is, in essence, inviting you to make a “closing argument” at the end of this admissions trial. Regardless of what you choose, be sure to discuss how your learnings/growth will positively impact your ability to do well at Penn State.

Get specific!

No matter which angle you choose, try to connect your past experiences with your future goals by citing Penn State-specific offerings or opportunities that you hope to take advantage of. Let’s go back to our previous immigration advocacy example—perhaps there’s a student group you hope to join, an immigration policy course you hope to take, etc.

How important is the Penn State supplemental essay?

The essay is not among the most important factors to the admissions committee. GPA and the rigor of one’s courses are at the top of the list. However, the essays can help push borderline applicants over the edge toward an acceptance.

Want Personalized Essay Assistance?

Lastly, if you are interested in working with one of College Transitions’ experienced and knowledgeable essay coaches as you craft your Penn State supplemental essay, we encourage you to  get a quote  today.

Looking for more writing-related resources? Consider checking out the following:

• Common App Essay Prompts
• 10 Instructive Common App Essay Examples
• College Application Essay Topics to Avoid
• How to Quickly Format Your Common App Essay
• Should I Complete Optional College Essays?
• How to Brainstorm a College Essay
• 25 Inspiring College Essay Topics
• “Why This College?” Essay Examples
• How to Write the Community Essay
• College Essay

Andrew Belasco

A licensed counselor and published researcher, Andrew's experience in the field of college admissions and transition spans two decades. He has previously served as a high school counselor, consultant and author for Kaplan Test Prep, and advisor to U.S. Congress, reporting on issues related to college admissions and financial aid.

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How to Write the Penn State Supplemental Essay 2024–2025

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The Pennsylvania State University (Penn State), known for their research advancements and vibrant campus life , attracts over 100,000 applicants each year. Their accomplished alumni include actor Gene Kelly, New York Giants running back Saquon Barkley, Senator Rick Santorum, and ABC Good Morning America anchor Lara Spencer. Hoping to join their ranks? First, you’ll need to nail your Penn State supplemental essay. Let’s dive in.

Penn State 2024-2025 Prompts

Writing the Penn State supplemental essay is optional, but writing a strong essay can only help your application chances!

This is your opportunity to share something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or academic records. Tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. (650 words or fewer)

General Tips

This prompt is fairly broad, as college essay prompts go, so many students may feel intimidated by the Penn State supplemental essay. If you’re struggling to settle upon a single essay topic (and yes, it’s advisable that your essay sticks to one topic), try making a list of all your options. After listing all your potential essay topics, consider which topics most positively reflect on your ability to succeed at Penn State and cross of those which might reflect poorly on you as an applicant.

Note that “failure” is not necessarily a bad thing. If you choose to write your essay about a time you failed or struggled, you have the chance to demonstrate your resilience to the reader. A student who can face obstacles and overcome them, get knocked down and stand back up, is a student who will thrive in a challenging academic environment.

If you’re still struggling to settle on an essay topic, consider free-writing. There are a few ways to approach free-writing. On the one hand, you can put your pen to the page and refuse to lift it for a set amount of time (try 5-10 minutes). This strategy forces you to get some ideas down. Some students find it easier to edit a rough draft than compose a new one from scratch, so this strategy might be right for you.

If that strategy doesn’t work for you, you can also try writing just a couple sentences about each of the potential topics on your list. After reading these sentences over, cross out the least interesting ones. Then cross out the topics that feel especially wearisome to keep writing about. If you find your essay interesting and exciting to write, then it’s likely your reader will find it interesting and exciting too.

Penn State Short Essay Question

Although Penn State only has one supplemental essay prompt, you can turn this prompt in any direction that works for you. The expectation is that whatever you write about in this essay is additional information that will strengthen your application and is not already communicated elsewhere in your application. Given this, writing the Penn State supplemental essay is in your best interest.

While brainstorming for this essay, consider the parts of yourself that the reader can’t find elsewhere in your college application. For instance, do you have family obligations that have shaped the person you are today? Have you experienced a life-changing event that transformed your worldview? Is there a social justice issue that motivates you? Do you have a hero whose footsteps you wish to follow?

Alternatively, you can write about something that appears elsewhere in your college application but receives inadequate attention. For example, some of your extracurricular activities might require further explaining so that the admissions team can understand the depth of your commitment and achievement. Similarly, if you have earned an award or honor that could benefit from added context, here is your space to provide that context.

You may also wish to discuss any gaps in your academic journey, such as a drop in grades or lower-than-average test scores. If you have a defensible reason for these apparent lapses in your commitment to your education, you may want to express that reason here. Admissions officers are human, too, and if you show your humanity with authenticity and specificity, you give yourself the best shot at success.

If you need help polishing up your Penn State supplemental essay, check out our College Essay Review service. You can receive detailed feedback from Ivy League consultants in as little as 24 hours.

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How to Respond to the 2024-2025 Penn State Essays

Varonika Ware is a content writer at Scholarships360. Varonika earned her undergraduate degree in Mass Communications at Louisiana State University. During her time at LSU, she worked with the Center of Academic Success to create the weekly Success Sunday newsletter. Varonika also interned at the Louisiana Department of Insurance in the Public Affairs office with some of her graphics appearing in local news articles.

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Cari Schultz is an Educational Review Board Advisor at Scholarships360, where she reviews content featured on the site. For over 20 years, Cari has worked in college admissions (Baldwin Wallace University, The Ohio State University, University of Kentucky) and as a college counselor (Columbus School for Girls).

Maria Geiger is Director of Content at Scholarships360. She is a former online educational technology instructor and adjunct writing instructor. In addition to education reform, Maria’s interests include viewpoint diversity, blended/flipped learning, digital communication, and integrating media/web tools into the curriculum to better facilitate student engagement. Maria earned both a B.A. and an M.A. in English Literature from Monmouth University, an M. Ed. in Education from Monmouth University, and a Virtual Online Teaching Certificate (VOLT) from the University of Pennsylvania.

Pennsylvania State University , commonly known as Penn State, is a public land-grant research university located in State College, Pennsylvania. It is widely known for its high ranking athletics and undergraduate degree programs. We are here to help you respond to the Penn State supplemental essays , so keep reading!

The Penn State prompts

The Penn State supplemental essays might be optional for all applicants, but going the extra mile shows your interest in the university and showcases your talents. Your story is important, and Penn State wants to hear about it. This is why they also include a supplemental essay for potential students, especially those that have taken time off before applying to college. 

“ Optional : Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. This is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or academic records. We suggest a limit of 500 words or fewer.”

This prompt is the classic “who are you beyond academics?” question. Penn State and many other colleges want to get to know their applicants to determine if it’s the right fit. It’s important for your personality to shine through in this essay, and being authentic is a necessary component.

Make your Penn State supplemental essay specific to you and your journey. Start by figuring out a main topic for your essay that isn’t so general that it could apply to any of the other applicants.

However, the story you share with the admissions office should relate to what you hope to accomplish or contribute to the Penn State community. This includes hobbies that might have inspired you to choose your major as well as ways you contributed to your current community in a way that you hope to make a similar impact at Penn State. You might also want to mention a course that Penn State exclusively offers that relates to an interest you have. 

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Questions to consider.

• What is the story I want to tell Penn State?
• What are some notable experiences, interests, or hobbies that I have?
• Why did I choose to apply to Penn State?

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Remember: This prompt is only for applicants who are sending in their application sometime other than their senior year of high school.

“ Please use this space to explain any time that has elapsed between your high school graduation and your anticipated enrollment at Penn State. Please provide a summary of why that gap occurred. If you attended another college or university during that time, please note it below and ensure that you have entered the information in the Academic History section of this application . ( 500 words ) ”

Everyone’s college journey is different, with some not enrolling in college the fall after graduating high school. Whether you took a gap period to travel or to prepare for university, this is your opportunity to share your experience with Penn State. 

You might’ve taken the time to travel, recoup from years in school, or start an entirely new adventure. You might have taken the time to seek experience and save money by working. Whatever your reasons, this supplemental essay prompt allows you to emphasize the importance of your gap period and how it has shaped you.

When writing your essay, try to include why you want to attend Penn State after your time off. Make them a part of your story, and explain how you hope to further develop once you attend. 

Be aware of the word count, it’s a bit more fixed than the other supplemental essay prompt. It might be hard to hit the exact limit, so go back and proofread before adding any additional sentences. A couple words here and there are quick to stack up!

Also see: What is a gap year? Everything you need to know

• Why did I want to take a gap year?
• What did I accomplish during my gap year?
• How did taking this time shape me as a person?
• In what ways do I feel more prepared to start college now (specifically at Penn State)?

Don’t miss: Top reasons to take a break from college

Next steps for students

As you go through the college application process, mark your calendar with important deadlines! By doing this, you can accurately plan and get things done in advance. You could circle the date for admission notifications or schedule a campus tour.

Penn State has multiple campuses for applicants to choose from, and they also offer virtual tours, so you can get a quick look before visiting in person. The website even gives brief overviews of each location in Pennsylvania along with degrees, housing, and extracurriculars offered there. 

Remember to check Penn State’s social media pages to stay updated on important events and dates. You’ll also be able to get a glimpse of what Penn State is like and how you might fit in there. Good luck on your path toward success!

Other colleges to consider

• University of Michigan (Ann Arbor, MI)
• University of Illinois (Urbana-Campaign, IL)
• Purdue University (West Lafayette, IN)

Additional resources 

Now you know how to ace the Penn State supplemental essays. But the work is not done! You can never be too prepared for college, so here’s a couple resources to make the transition smoother: 

• Figure out the major that’s right for you
• Decide on applying early decision or early action
• Choose different types of scholarships to apply to
• How to write an essay about yourself

Frequently asked questions about the Penn State supplemental essays

Can i apply to penn state through the common app, is the penn state optional supplemental essay worth writing, how long should the penn state supplemental personal essay be, scholarships360 recommended.

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How to Write a Penn State Essay in 3 Steps

College Essays

If you want to go to Penn State , then the Penn State essay is one of your big chances to show how you’re different from other students in your application for admission . In order to really make this component of the application work to your advantage, you’ll need a solid strategy for writing a concise, unique, and persuasive Penn State essay!

Writing your Penn State admissions essay might seem intimidating at first, but we’re here to guide you through the process. This article will help you write a stellar Penn State essay by: 

• Explaining purpose of the Penn State Essay
• Outlining the three steps to writing a solid Penn State Essay
• Providing a breakdown of Penn State essay examples
• Giving you three practical tips for writing an exceptional essay

Let’s dive in!

The Penn State essay is an important part of your Penn State application because it can make you stand out from other applicants!

What’s the Penn State Essay?

The Penn State essay, sometimes also called the Penn State supplemental essay, is a 500 word written response included in the Penn State application for admission . 

The prompt for this essay invites applicants to tell the admissions committee about themselves. Here’s the prompt you’ll have to answer:

Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. This is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or academic records. We suggest a limit of 500 words or fewer. 

This essay prompt is essentially asking applicants to write a response that is very similar to what is known as a personal statement. College admissions typically use an applicant’s personal statement to better understand who the applicant is as a person and what strengths they will bring to the university. 

In other words, the Penn State Essay response is an applicant’s chance to show what makes them unique in the admissions process. 

3 Steps to Answering The Penn State Essay Prompt

If we break down the pieces of what the Penn State prompt is asking, we can identify three main tasks that you need to complete in order to write a killer essay . These tasks are as follows: 

• Identify something about yourself (e.g. a skill, ability, character trait), one of your experiences, or an activity you have been involved in, and 
• Explain the meaning or significance of that aspect of yourself in order to
• Prove that you embody what it means to be a Penn State student. 

While whipping out a 500 word essay response that covers these topics may sound easy, it’s a bit trickier in practice. It’s important that you think carefully about your strategy and come up with a clear plan for your essay response. Remember: your essay is an important part of your admissions application, so you want to spend time getting it right. 

Now, we’re going to walk you through how to address each of these three major points in your essay in order to make admissions counselors sit up and take notice. 

Step 1: Select a Topic to Write About

To begin the process of drafting your Penn State essay, you need to select a meaningful attribute, experience, or activity that makes a positive case for your ability to succeed at Penn State . You need to identify these meaningful experiences or attributes because of the first part of the Penn State essay prompt, which states: 

Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. 

To do this, start by taking inventory of the character traits, experiences, or involvement in activities that you’re most proud of, passionate about, or are the most meaningful to you. We recommend you start by writing a list of the things that come to mind. If you want, you can divide it into categories based on character traits/abilities, experiences, and activities. As you put together this list, don’t worry about whether the things you’re coming up with are “good” or not — you’re just brainstorming ideas at this point!  

If you’re stuck and have no idea where to start, that’s okay, too. Try asking yourself these questions to get you started: 

• What is my favorite memory? And why? 
• What’s my favorite thing to do in the whole world? Why do I love it? 
• If my friends had to describe me in one word, what would they say?

Once you start jotting down ideas, you’ll probably find that you’re able to come up with quite a few. The traits, experiences, and activities that you list out can vary widely and come from different areas of your life, including experiences with friends and family, academic pursuits, extracurricular activities, work with community organizations and volunteerism, political activism, travels, strong memories from childhood, or challenges you’ve faced in life. The possibilities aren’t limited to the ones we just mentioned; this list is simply meant to give you a jump start for brainstorming. 

Once you’ve listed out all the meaningful traits/abilities, experiences, and activities that you can think of, evaluate them in order to select one item from the list that you will address in your Penn State essay. To narrow it down to one item, consider asking yourself the following questions: 

• Which of these items do I feel the strongest positive emotional connection to? 
• Which of these items am I the most proud of? 
• Which of these items could I tell a story about? 
• Which of these items makes me unique or different from other people? 

You don’t necessarily have to use these questions to select your essay topic, but if you find that you answer several of these questions with the same experience or activity, that might be a good clue that you should choose that item as the topic of your Penn State essay. 

Once you pick a topic, it's time to figure out what it says about you as a person. This essay is designed to help admissions counselors get to know you. 

Step 2: Think About What Your Topic Says About You 

Once you’ve selected a single character trait/ability, experience, or activity from your list, the second step of responding to the Penn State essay prompt is to tell a compelling story. 

You want to engage your reader while explaining what the trait/activity/characteristic you’ve chosen says about you as a person. 

To get started on this step, it’s a good idea to do some freewriting or brainstorming. Try to identify the ways in which the experience or activity you chose showcased a talent, skill, or ability you possess in a meaningful or valuable way. It’s important to be able to explain your perception of how this experience or activity shaped you into a person who will bring something positive to Penn State.

Here’s what we mean: say Katerina has decided that she wants to write about making the varsity squad for her school’s soccer team. In her freewrite, she writes about how the accomplishment makes her feel (proud, excited, enthusiastic), and she also writes a bit about the hard work it took for her to get there. Not only does she jot down ideas about going to the State tournament and making a game-winning goal, she also writes about how she missed making the squad in 9th grade, but instead of quitting, she got up an hour early every day over the summer to fit in extra practice. 

In this example, Katerina is trying to get a better understanding of why her topic is important to her, and what kind of story she can tell the admissions committee to help them understand her better. In this case, Katerina may decide to focus on how she didn’t give up and put in extra work to make her dreams come true...and it ended up paying off in a big way! 

Keep in mind that it doesn’t matter if the item you choose to write about is the most prestigious accomplishment from your résumé — you have the rest of your Penn State application to account for those accomplishments. Rather, the Penn State Essay is your time to tell the story of the real person behind your long list of accolades. If you can tailor this story to focus on a specific, detailed experience, activity, or positive attribute you possess, your essay will be more impactful.

Step 3: Tie Your Story Back to Penn State

After you’ve nailed down the way that you want to describe your uniqueness as an applicant, you need to define your understanding of what success at Penn State means to you . 

Why do you need to do this? Because of the instructions in the first sentence of the Penn State essay prompt, which states: 

Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State . 

Penn State Admissions wants you to make a clear connection between your reflections on the experience you choose to write about and the opportunities for success that Penn State offers to its students. In order to make this connection effectively in your essay response, you need to explain how your story shows that you’re a perfect fit for Penn State. 

To get started, do your research on the culture, identity, and opportunities provided for students at Penn State . Use any information you may have gathered from visits to Penn State’s campus, attending admissions events, talking with current students or alumni, or perusing Penn State’s website to help you construct a complete picture of the culture of Penn State and what the school has to offer. 

Also, dig into specific opportunities you want to take advantage of while you’re attending Penn State. What does Penn State offer you that no other college can give you? Maybe that’s a specific degree plan, unique courses, or even a specific professor you want to work with. The more specific you are about how you’ll fit into the Penn State community, the better. 

So let’s go back to Katerina. Katerina wants to be an engineer, and in her research, she learned that Penn State’s BEST Center is working on improving battery technology. Since Katerina wants to work in the tech field, the BEST Center will help her prepare for her future career. 

So now Katerina needs to use her story about her soccer experience to explain how she’ll succeed as an engineering student at Penn State . One way she might do that is by saying that engineering is a demanding degree, and the persistence she learned on the soccer field will set her up for doing well as a Penn State engineering student. She could even take it a step further and explain that the creative problem solving she developed in her soccer training will help her succeed as she researches new battery technology as a part of the BEST Center, too.

This definition of “success” should inform how you tell the story of yourself in your Penn State essay. The admissions committee doesn’t expect every applicant to define success in the same way. In fact, Penn State admissions wants to see that you’ve really thought through your potential to be a good fit as a student at Penn State based on a thorough understanding of what Penn State has to offer a student with your past experiences and vision for the future. You should be able to define your path to success and explain how Penn State will help you get there.  

If you're still not sure what your Penn State essay should look like, take a look at our example essay below.

A Penn State Essay Example

There are many different ways that a Penn State essay can be successful but, in general, excellent essays talk about a specific experience, tell a memorable story, and connect the story of that experience to your definition of success at Penn State. 

To help you understand what these moves can look like in practice, let’s check out Penn State essay examples: 

Every morning during the spring of my junior year of high school, my alarm went off at 4:45 a.m. Due to the coronavirus pandemic, many people in my hometown were laid off from their jobs struggling to make ends meet. My family owns a farm, and we grow many different types of vegetables and have laying hens, too. So when my morning chores were completed, I would jump in the truck with my dad and my sister to drive into town and deliver free vegetables and eggs to families in need. 

My family could help others because of our farm. That made me think: what if other people could grow their own food and then share what they had with others? That’s why I started an online, community-based agriculture program at my school. I wanted to help others learn how to grow their own food, then share that food with others in their community. 

While the group started out small with just a few students, within three weeks, 40 of my classmates joined in. Together, we organized a seed, plant, and garden tool drive that helped give 70 families in our town enough supplies to start their own small gardens. And many of my classmates have committed to growing gardens of their own! This experience taught me how important agriculture is, but also how agriculture can directly impact the well-being of those around me. 

As a major in community, environment, and development at Penn State, I would have the opportunity to learn about and envision strategies for helping consumers in local communities become aware of and educated about the social and economic benefits to supporting their local farmers. By taking supplemental courses in computer programming, I would prepare myself to create user-friendly online spaces that are dedicated to sharing information about local food systems with consumers in local communities. Ultimately, I believe that Penn State will help me achieve my dream of starting a nationwide, online program to help people in undeserved communities start community agriculture programs of their own. 

Now, let’s break down what this example essay does well. In this essay, the writer provides a clear definition of what success at Penn State will look like for them as a student. This essay emphasizes the student’s personal goals, knowledge of the opportunities Penn State has to offer, and commitment to investing in the Penn State community and society at large . That will definitely make an impact with admissions counselors! 

This student also helps admissions counselors get to know them by telling a story that includes specific details and vivid imagery from an experience that other applicants may not have . The essay helps the reader get a better sense of who this person is, their background, and the things they care about by telling the short story about delivering homegrown care packages to people in the community. This story will help the admissions committee remember the applicant and will set them apart from other applicants as well. 

But most essays aren’t perfect, and this one isn’t, either. One thing this essay response can improve upon is the way in which it connects the student’s idea of success to Penn State . In the last paragraph, the student should focus more on how specific opportunities provided by Penn State’s agriculture department, like its collaborative research into sustainable agriculture , will help the student achieve their goals. 

All in all, t his Penn State essay provides a good example of how to address all aspects of the essay prompt , be clear and concise in your writing, and reveal important aspects of who you are as a person that your other application materials may not show. 

3 Tips for Writing an Excellent Penn State Essay

You want your Penn State essay to persuade admissions that you’ll be a fantastic addition to Penn State’s incoming class. To help you present yourself in a way that Penn State admissions will remember, check out our three tips for writing an outstanding Penn State essay to help you stand out from the crowd. 

Tip 1: Be Specific

If you want your Penn State essay to be memorable, you need to be specific . Throwing out a bunch of abstract character traits or claims as to why you’ll be successful at Penn State won’t help your essay stand out. Instead, give your essay a coherent focus by selecting one or two related character traits, experiences, or activities that show your ability to be successful at Penn State. 

The point of the Penn State essay is to shoot for depth, not breadth. You already showcase your grades, coursework, and awards through other parts of your Penn State application. The essay is the time to reveal more about who you are and what you will bring to Penn State by showing how you’ve been successful in a past situation. Choosing a specific experience and diving into the details of it will show that you’re more than just a list of achievements on a résumé—you’re a real human being. 

Tip 2: Give Concrete Examples

When writing your Penn State essay, examples are a crucial form of support. When you select one or two specific elements  to focus on in your essay, you need to be able to elaborate on those things through specific and engaging examples. 

For instance, you don’t want to simply say, “My adaptability to a range of situations predicts my potential for success as a student at Penn State.” An admissions committee may read that sentence and ask, What makes you so adaptable? What activities or experiences demonstrate evidence of your adaptability? What has your adaptability helped you achieve or accomplish? 

Instead of making a vague, abstract claim like the one in the paragraph above, you need to be more specific, which you can do by providing an example . 

Here’s how a writer could elaborate on their adaptability in their essay: 

Starting your senior year of high school at a new school probably sounds daunting, but after moving seven times in seven years, I was prepared for the ins and outs of being the new kid on my last first day of school. Moving so many times due to my father’s work in the military has given me the opportunity to experience different cultures, learn new languages, and cultivate the ability to make meaningful connections with new people who are very different from me in a matter of minutes. During my senior year at a new school, I used these skills to mobilize my fellow students for a school wide walkout in support of DACA. 

Do you see the difference? The example above gives specific details of what life experience led this student to become adaptable rather than simply making an unsupported claim .

This example is also memorable because it uses vivid language. When you read it, you can imagine the student traveling the world, confidently stepping foot into a new school, and building connections with fellow students for social action. 

In your Penn State essay, examples like this one can be used to make meaningful connections between your vision for your life as a student and a clear definition of success . Using examples in this way will make your essay memorable and unique. 

Tip 3: Don’t Rehash Your Résumé

It’s tempting to rehash the list of accomplishments on your résumé in your Penn State essay, especially if your résumé is packed full of prestigious awards and experiences. However, keep in mind that there are other areas of the Penn State application that explicitly ask for this information. 

When the admissions committee sits down to read your essay response, they’re looking to learn something new about you—something that your résumé can’t tell them . So, instead of listing off accomplishments or stating the facts of what you’ve achieved, pick an aspect of who you are that might not be super apparent. That can include personality traits (maybe you’re really funny), unique experiences you’ve had (maybe you rescued kittens one summer!), or something else that makes you uniquely you. 

Just remember: your essay is a chance for you to make a powerful impression on your readers, so don’t waste it! 

Next Steps 

If you’re applying to Penn State, you need to make sure you’re meeting some of the school’s other admissions requirements . Here’s a guide to the Penn State admissions process to get you started . You can also learn more about the Penn State ACT and Penn State SAT standards , too. 

Are you looking for more college essay tips and tricks? Don’t worry: we’ve got 13 more for you! 

If you’re applying to other schools besides Penn State, y ou may find that you have to write “Why This College?” essays . If you’re not sure what those are, be sure to check out this article.

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Ashley Sufflé Robinson has a Ph.D. in 19th Century English Literature. As a content writer for PrepScholar, Ashley is passionate about giving college-bound students the in-depth information they need to get into the school of their dreams.

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Pennsylvania State University-Penn State Abington’s 2023-24 Essay Prompts

Personal statement short response.

Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. This is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or academic records.

Extracurricular Essay

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Pennsylvania State University Undergraduate College Application Essays

These Pennsylvania State University college application essays were written by students accepted at Pennsylvania State University. All of our sample college essays include the question prompt and the year written. Please use these sample admission essays responsibly.

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College Application Essays accepted by Pennsylvania State University

The women stood in their doors anonymous, pennsylvania state university.

The women stood in the doors looking out at their husbands, who were talking to the landowners. The children gathered behind them, one bare foot on top of the other. They all watched tensely as the negotiation dragged on; their lives hung in the...

Personal Statement ABC's Kristian Jokisch

(A)mbition, balance and commitment are the three qualities that I refer to as my "ABC's" for achieving "D", my dream. (B)eing successful depends on continual awareness of your ABC's. (C)arefully following this philosophy has guided me through...

Piano Conquest Anonymous

It was a crisp, clear January day in Park Ridge, New Jersey, a few miles from the middle of nowhere. Before me stood an imposing sight: Schubert’s Impromptu. With a length of fourteen pages and a required foundation of meticulous technical skills,...

Running an Online Business Anonymous

I clicked a button and created a canvas. A lonely, almost blank screen, it was one of thousands of standardized and tabulated web pages, with only my online moniker at the top to distinguish it as my own. That was my debut, an admittedly...

A Man and His Lessons Brian J Cugini

I still remember the day I was first introduced to him -- a man I would never meet in person, but who would have a significant effect on my life. My sixth-grade music teacher did the introduction, as he played various clips of songs by The Beatles...

My Invisible Army Anonymous

Here’s a sob story for you: my father died when I was four. My mother has always been legally blind, but shortly after my father’s death, when I was six, she fell and broke her back. Two years later, she had a brain hemotoma and nearly passed...

Success In Humiliation Anonymous

It was May 3, 2007, a warm, bright day. Every field was filled with blooming flowers and all the trees were covered with lime green leaves; everything seemed beautiful and normal besides this madness. I was in the back seat of a police car that...

The Depth of Life Anonymous

Although I woke up that morning and most likely performed my usual routine, I cannot recall what was going through my mind. I can tell you for sure that I had no idea that day would end up altering the way I value life. Before the sun ruptured the...

The Common Application Essay Question #1 Alec Cameron Edelson

Ever since I was a young boy I have been curious and excited to learn new things. My favorite books where the Curious George books, as I thought the little monkey, George, was very much like me. George was certainly lovable, but he was always in...

Never give up so easily Anonymous

Wherever the art of medicine is loved, there is also a love of humanity.

--Hippocrates

I am fortunate to have grown up in a medical family: my grandfather and his brothers are traditional Chinese medical doctors. In fact, since my parents took...

"Really? You want to be an engineer?" Anonymous

Today there is a common misconception that gender inequality no longer exists. Yet Stephanie Coontz of the New York Times has analyzed the data and, for me at least, put this misconception to rest in her article “The Myth of Male Decline.” She...

Overcoming a life change Anonymous

All it took were fourteen words to obliterate twelve years of passion. It had all been taken from me.

As I sat in the cold hard chair across from the neurologist's desk, I heard her voice, but I didn't want to. Her words were a blur, as if my ears...

The Peak of Scouting Max B Grove

"Mr. Grove, you can come back in the room now." Wiping pints of sweat off my forehead, my heart racing, I reenter the room containing four people: the four people whose sole job is to challenge everything I have done for the past six years. Maybe...

Pen Pals Caroline Wang

“So many emails say so little,” writes Norma Cone in her first letter to me. Her penmanship incorporates elaborate loops and smoothly conjoined letters from years of perfecting her cursive. In comparison, my script is poorly developed, a...

Proclamation of I Will Anonymous

When my mother was going into labor, she felt inclined to call my grandmother, who was long awaiting my birth. Frantic with excitement, my mother rapidly spoke into the phone, informing my grandmother of the news. My grandmother's shaky voice was...

Feminism in my Life Roberta Arteni

My confidence is always tested within the first few seconds of revealing that I'm a feminist. Misconceptions of feminism usually surface to repudiate the validity of my stance, and since feminism isn't a common attribute within my age group, I...

A Trip to Adulthood Anonymous

Akim, Jerusalem. That is where I was sent for the summer by my parents, after they heard that a school for the mentally disabled was in need of volunteers. I appreciated the idea of helping children in need, but was not thrilled about it being in...

One Duck At A Time Ciara Chaves

Salmon Point beach and campground in Bridgton, Maine on that early summer morning was idyllic, with maroon picnic tables staggered along the lake’s edge and sand bridging the distance. A simplistic playground with a swing set and some monkey bars...

A deeper appreciation for education Santiago Riera

My eyes were burning from the tear gas and I was having trouble breathing under my white bandana, but I was determined to keep going; I was not going to let them stop me—stop us from peacefully marching for our freedom. I was part of what seemed...

Mississippi August Anonymous

“One more bucket of ears and you can go inside,” Momma said. Those days spent picking corn in midday Mississippi August heat are ones that I remember well. I vividly recall my toes digging into a mix of decomposing potato roots and freshly toiled...

Less Money, More Memories Anonymous

It was as though Medusa had looked me straight in the eye. I saw my mother’s lips moving, but all I could hear was the turbulent rhythm of my heavy heart. I clutched my fork tighter in my fist and disappeared, desperately figuring out how to turn...

The Edge Jillian Konikow

A six-year-old girl stands at the edge, unsure about the leap she must take. She is nervous; very aware of the challenge at hand and the expectations she must meet. In the next moment, she finds herself suspended in the air, entering the watery...

In Stitches Anonymous

I wasn’t going home with my mom that night. She was waiting outside the clinic to pick me up just like she did every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday night, and I heard my phone buzz with the predictable “I’m here” text. But instead, I told her to...

Transition from Nepal Sadiksha Subedi

Most ten year-olds have a themed birthday party, Minecraft, Disney princesses,shows, you name it. However, I had spent my birthday 18 hours on a plane, emotionally tense and sleep deprived.

Growing up, I wasn’t exposed to diverse groups of...

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Whether you are just starting to research colleges and universities or you are ready to apply, we know there are many things to consider. We want to help you manage the process of applying to Penn State.

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Pennsylvania State University Essay Guide 2019-2020

Found in the heart of Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania State University (PSU) is a public, land-grant university with a multitude of locations and the primary campus being at University Park, Pennsylvania. PSU has an undergraduate body of over 40,000 students, with an admission rate hovering in the low to mid-50s over the past three years. For the Class of 2022, the middle 50% of applicants had a high school GPA between 3.55-3.97 out of a 4.0 scale and SAT score between 1250-1430 or ACT score between 28-32.

According to the 2017 US News & World Report , PSU ranks #50 overall for best college experience for undergraduates and is ranked #14 among national public universities. Many factors contribute to a student’s evaluation: academic record, standardized test scores, personal statements, cultural and geographic background, and activities. PSU strives to look at the holistic individual and chooses a diverse class of students in all aspects of life.

For students admitted for Fall 2019 and following, PSU has slightly modified its general education curriculum. The baccalaureate degree consists of no less than 120 credits, where students are permitted to take courses beyond the minimum. PSU allows for early action admission, direct application into a major of study granted the student satisfies requirements and also has several special accelerated programs. To list a few at the University Park campus, there is the seven-year BS/MD program, the five-year BS/MBA, the Schreyer Honors College, and many more at one of 18 other PSU affiliated campuses.

To help you with the writing process, we wrote this essay guide specifically for PSU’s supplemental essays. For more guidance on personal essays and the college application process in general, sign up for a monthly plan to work with an admissions coach 1-on-1.

The Penn State Essay Prompts

Prompt 1: please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at penn state. this is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or academic records. we suggest a limit of 500 words or fewer..

With the incredible amount of applications submitted each year, try to make the admission officer’s job easier by writing a concise, unique, fluid essay . The essay should tell a story that gives the officer an idea of what kind of person you are while allowing yourself to show off a bit . For example, have you participated in community service or have volunteering experience that has taught you a lesson that can translate to your success at Penn State? Do you play any instruments or sports that have allowed you to travel or gain insight into other cultures? Are you from a military background, has the process of moving to different homes helped you learn to adapt quickly?

To find that desired topic I suggest creating a list of experiences or activities and then writing a short description for each one. This will help with the second prompt because, even if the topic you start with doesn’t end up being the final choice, you can start to pick the activities that mean the most to you. Also, you will have already started brainstorming and writing about your general experiences that may be useful in essays for other schools.

Prompt 2: Please use this space to list or discuss your activities other than academic work during the last several years (for example: school organizations, jobs, athletics, the arts, community service, religious groups, or other individual interests). You may already have an activities resume or list prepared and should feel free to paste it into the space below. We suggest a limit of 500 words or fewer.

The key to this prompt is to brainstorm a few categories (e.g. traveling) in addition to the ones listed and write a quick sentence or two about each activity within that category. Make sure that the description highlights the key takeaways from each activity as you want to try and keep the supplemental essay under 500 words. However, even if the word total exceeds 500, don’t fret as the flow and significance of the activities can mean more to the admissions officer.

If you have only a few activities you would like to describe, feel free to go into more detail and write a compelling story so that the admission officer can understand your passion for said activities. However, if you have too many topics and are unable to sufficiently describe each activity, you can pick one for each category or choose which are most important to you.

Other Program-Specific Prompts

5 year ms/mba of eberly college of science, prompt 3. select the scientific discipline above that is most interesting to you. why do you want to devote 4 years of college studying it (astronomy & astrophysics, biochemistry and molecular biology, biology, biotechnology, chemistry, mathematics, microbiology, physics, statistics) (200 words max).

Think about what has interested you in and out of school, do you have a curiosity or passion for any of these subjects? Have you considered how business will factor into your academic plans?

Prompt 4: Inclusiveness and Diversity: In an increasingly global community, it is essential that students gain cultural competency. In what way have you demonstrated a commitment to this mission? (200 Words Max)

Cultural competency refers to your ability to communicate and interact with people of different cultures. This could be attributed to traveling to different countries or meeting people of various backgrounds in your neighborhood. In this essay, you should demonstrate that you are able to recognize your own views, acknowledge cultural differences, have a positive attitude towards others, and plan to continue doing all of these things in the future.

Prompt 5: Goals: Discuss your career aspirations. How would the Science BS/MBA program help you reach those goals? (200 Words Max)

Your career aspirations can be at any moment after graduation, even 20 years down the road. What is important is that you have some idea of where you what to be at each stage and that you include it in your response. You should also do research on this program, find out what previous graduates did, and look at the curriculum to determine what this program has to offer that is unique and interesting to you.

Prompt 6: Leadership: Please discuss your leadership and collaboration skills. Give recent examples of how they have been demonstrated. (200 Words Max)

Pick one or two examples at most to effectively paint a complete story of you as a leader. If you are unable to think of an example, explain a hypothetical but realistic situation where you can showcase your leadership and collaboration skills.

Prompt 7: Resiliency: Transitioning to college can be a challenge. Discuss the adjustments you believe you will need to make in order to be successful as you transition from high school to a college environment. (200 Words Max)

Whether you believe you need to make adjustments or have already made them, make sure you include a broader list and then narrow down the answers to respond to this prompt.

Prompt 8: Describe your biggest commitment. (150 Words Max)

This prompt allows some flexibility if you think one aspect of yourself has not been thoroughly showcased, you are able to go into more depth here.

Prompt 9: Describe a time when you helped someone else succeed. (150 Words Max)

Think about your family, friends, peers, or even strangers and create a list with a brief description under each potential answer.

Prompt 10: Using three adjectives, how would you like others to perceive you? (3 Words Max)

Do not overthink this answer , one solution could be to try and summarize your previous prompts so that each adjective has a supporting essay to go along with it.

Schreyer Honors College

Prompt 11: describe a typical day in your life in 2050. consider what your professional life will look like, what technologies you might use, and how you will interact with your personal network (friends, family, etc.) and the world at large..

This prompt allows you to be creative, but you should contain your answers to what you would be able to gain specifically from being a Schreyer Honors student (i.e. the network perks and additional educational benefits). Try to look for previous Schreyer Scholar testaments to the benefits of being one of these students.

Prompt 12: Describe a situation in which you moved outside your comfort zone, interacting with people whose experiences and/or beliefs are different from your own. What was your initial response and how did you adapt? Walk us through the situation and explain what impact it had on you.

Approach this question in a multitude of ways:

• Have you traveled to a new country with family or by yourself?
• Have you met anybody during community service who has left a lasting impact?
• Did you partake in work that involved being adaptive?

Regardless of the specific situation, be sure to include how you were initially presented with an uncomfortable situation, how you thought to remedy the situation, what you chose to execute in action, and the overall response.

Prompt 13: “A picture is worth a thousand words” refers to the notion that a complex idea can be conveyed with just a single picture. If you could submit a selfie from anywhere in the world that would tell us about your beliefs and passion, where would you take this photo? What insight would this photo provide about you?

Again, think about what you want to show the admissions officer that you have been unable to explain in previous essays or your resume.

This essay guide was written by Victor Shen , PSU Class of 2018. If you want to get help writing your PSU application essays from Victor or other CollegeAdvisor.com Admissions Experts , register with CollegeAdvisor.com today.

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2 Successful Penn State Essay Examples

What’s covered:, essay example 1 – calligraphy, essay example 2 – collaborative learning, where to get feedback on your essay .

Penn State University is a selective research university. Writing a strong essay can help your application stand out. In this post, we’ll go over an essay a real student submitted to Penn State University and outline their strengths and areas of improvement. (Names and identifying information have been changed, but all other details are preserved).

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Read our Penn State essay breakdown to get a comprehensive overview of this year’s supplemental prompts.

Prompt: Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. This is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or academic records. (500 words)

When I started high school, I often had crumpled wads of paper sprinkled around my room and pens all over my desk. I was learning how to write in calligraphy but clearly, it was not going well. One stroke up and one stroke down to form each letter. It seemed very easy but my letters looked lopsided. I kept working on it and ruined many envelopes but for some reason, it was just not clicking. I decided to stop practicing and leave it alone. It was just an extra skill anyway so, no harm done.

Much later, I was really bored on a rainy Saturday with nothing to do. I figured “hey, maybe I’ll give calligraphy another shot”. I busted out more paper from the printer and my favorite Tombow Fudenosuke pens to get to work. I kept practicing the upstrokes and downstrokes but now, I was thinking less and feeling more. My hands started to move gracefully across the page with beautiful lettering left behind. My block had been mental and now finally, I could write in calligraphy. I have many experiences like this and they have all shaped me to realize that I want to become the most beautiful version of myself, like calligraphy is compared to regular writing.

At Penn State, I will strive to become more polished and refined. College will not be my final draft, rather it will consist of more editing. I know that I love science but now is the time for me to refine my interests. I can put my up and down strokes together to form letters. I look forward to taking advantage of the unique classes PSU has such as Science, Ethics, Policy, and Law, or Biology of Aging. These will create words.

I can intern at the Fox Chase Cancer Center to understand the ins and outs of a career in medicine and to interact with patients. I can be responsible for others besides myself in a different light and learn from other healthcare professionals. These experiences will help me form elegant sentences.

I will learn to make time for other things besides schoolwork to make my letters varied. I will be cheering in the stands on Football Saturdays, decked out in white for the white-out game. I can spend time with friends outside of Berkey Creamery in between classes. I can have dinner with my roommate on the other side of Pollock Road. I aim to have a holistic experience at Penn State and focus on more than just academics because I am more than my grades.  

My experiences at PSU will make me refined just like the sophisticated letters on my graduation invitations. I can picture it now: PSU in huge writing. The only question is, blue or white?

What the Essay Did Well

This essay is brilliantly written like a “ Why This College ” essay, where the writer shares specific information about activities they would get involved in if they were a student at Penn State University. Sharing details specific to Penn State University, such as “Berkey Creamery” and “Pollock Road,” shows that the student has done their research about the school and is excited about the possibility of attending. The writer also shares a variety of things about the school that they like. They share potential classes, internships, and events they’d participate in as a student. All of this helps the admissions committee see the writer as a student at Penn State University–which, as a hopeful student, is a great thing!

The language at the beginning is beautiful and pulls the reader into the story. Imagery like “crumpled wads of paper sprinkled around my room” and “one stroke up and one stroke down” paint a picture for the reader that clearly shows what the writer is saying. It also helps highlight a student’s talent at writing. 

Finally, by referencing calligraphy throughout the essay, the writer connects the two parts of the prompt together, an activity they like and how they’re going to succeed at Penn State University. This creates great continuity and flow throughout the essay. When you write your essay, reflect on how all the pieces and answers to each part of the prompt (if there are multiple) work together to contribute to your overall message.

What Could Be Improved 

This essay has a lot of sentences that start in a similar manner. There’s a lot of “I can…”, “I will…”, or “I” followed by another verb. It’s important to vary your sentence structure so that the essay flows better and doesn’t sound repetitive. Instead of ”I can intern at the Fox Chase Cancer Center to understand the ins and outs of a career in medicine,” the writer could have said something like, “Interning at the Fox Chase Cancer Center would help me to understand the ins and outs of a career in medicine.” This isn’t a big change, but it will help improve the overall style of the essay. This is a common problem in a “ Why School? ” essay when students write about what they would do as a student at a particular college, so make sure to look out for it. 

While this essay does a great job overall of being specific, there are moments where the writer could have provided more details. For example, they wrote: “I have many experiences like this… ” It would have been better if the writer had briefly specified these experiences. They could have written: “This experience and others like learning photography and to play the piano have shaped me to realize that I want to become the most beautiful version of myself.” This would provide more information about the writer’s interests and life that the reader wouldn’t otherwise learn. 

The clock ticked 09:25 a.m., exactly an hour left for my exam. Unlike other exam days, I was nervous. Well, it was understandable, I had spent a whole 2 months in a hospital bed and another week or two recovering and flushing out the heavy doses of medicines out of my body. Dizziness was still there, however platelet count has only crossed the bare minimum mark. My attention span dropped drastically and I found it hard to focus for longer hours.

Only I knew how I managed to climb up the stairs to the 3rd floor and walk across the classroom in midst of all the concerning and questioning gazes of “Where Have You  Been?” 

I was just setting up my books and stationary, when my friend came up and asked for my help in some topic related to the exam. It was in no means new, we usually discussed after our lectures and cleared our doubts. I’ve always believed that peers understand our perspective better than teachers, because they are as new to the topic as myself.  

I spent another 20 minutes explaining and making her understand the concepts. It turned out 2 more classmates had the same doubts and we ended up revising the whole chapter, along with quick summaries of other chapters as well.

The bell rang and it was time for the exam. We followed the same ritual for the following exams. We were 9 classmates; discussing problems, giving explanations and finding solutions, and giving our 100% in exams. Unknowingly we formed this study group that continued the whole academic session and helped us in the best way possible.

I wonder if it was my instinct for feeling responsible and agreeing on helping out my classmates or I was grateful that she helped me in escaping the questions coming my way that day.

This experience didn’t only help me in accelerating my studies, but also as I listened and asked questions, I soon noticed a variety of viewpoints and approaches to the same idea and problem. This helped me in developing critical thinking skills and collaboration abilities. 

This is an excellent practice for when I’ve finished school and out where I will find myself in similar group dynamics.

This type of prompt is extremely open-ended: tell us something (anything!) that shows that you could succeed at Penn State. While you have the freedom to say whatever you want, it is imperative that you pick a focus for your essay and stick to it. You don’t want to confuse or overwhelm your reader by going in a million directions at once. 

This writer does an excellent job of keeping their essay cohesive and easy to follow by structuring everything around one particular experience they had doing some last-minute studying before a test. Through their discussion of this experience, we learn that:

• They are REFLECTIVE — With the line “I wonder if it was my instinct for feeling responsible and agreeing on helping out my classmates or I was grateful that she helped me in escaping the questions coming my way that day,” the student shows their capacity for mature reflection after an experience.
• They are CARING — The fact that this student did not hesitate to help other students (who are presumably competition) shows kindness and selflessness.
• They are INSIGHTFUL — The sentence “I’ve always believed that peers understand our perspective better than teachers, because they are as new to the topic as myself” shows that this student observes the world around them thoughtfully, and trusts their powers of observation, even when they lead them to somewhat unconventional realizations.
• They are A LEADER — As the student describes the events of the morning, they position their informal leadership role as extremely natural. They are not a leader because it will improve their resume or win them awards, but because they want to share their skills with others.
• They are OPEN-MINDED — The collaborative approach to learning they describe doesn’t work without open-mindedness. This student recognizes the importance of diverse viewpoints.

While this essay is focused, the student also cashes in on the prompt’s suggestion that they tell admissions officers something that can’t be found elsewhere in their application. For this student, it’s their medical struggles during high school. 

We finish this essay with a much clearer understanding of what traits define this student, which helps humanize them in our eyes and better envision them as a member of the Penn State community.

While this student successfully seizes the opportunity to enlighten admissions officers about the medical adversity they have faced, the connection between their first few paragraphs (about medical struggles) and their later paragraphs (about collaborative learning) could be established earlier and more clearly.

It is not until the sentence “I wonder if it was my instinct for feeling responsible and agreeing on helping out my classmates or I was grateful that she helped me in escaping the questions coming my way that day” that things start to come together. Here, readers have this moment where we think: “Oh, the impromptu tutoring session helped the student to avoid questions about their medical situation. I get it now.” If the student had teased this connection earlier, confusion would have been avoided.

For example, after “I was just setting up my books and stationary, when my friend came up and asked for my help in some topic related to the exam,” the student could add:

“‘She saved me,’ I thought to myself.”

Or, after the sentence “I spent another 20 minutes explaining and making her understand the concepts,” the student could add:

“It had been months since I had gone more than 20 minutes without worrying about my legs.”

Additionally, the words that are allocated to the last two paragraphs could be used more strategically. In college essays, you are always wrestling with limited words, so it is important to use the words you do have wisely (and memorably). 

The paragraphs beginning with “This experience didn’t only…” and “This is an excellent practice for…” fall into the unfortunate trap of telling rather than showing. At this point in the essay, we already understand that the student listens, is open-minded, and works well in collaborative group dynamics. 

Rather than reiterating what we already know, the student could have more effectively used those 65 words elsewhere in the essay. For example, they could have given us specific bits of dialogue from conversations they had with their peers, or expand on the specific feelings they have during a collaborative learning experience.

Want feedback on your Penn State essay before you submit? That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. One expert advisor on CollegeVine, Alexandra Johnson , provided commentary on the first essay in this post, to give you a sense of how useful expert advice can be. Advisors offer one-on-one guidance on everything from essays to test prep to financial aid. If you want help writing your essays or feedback on drafts, book a consultation with Alexandra Johnson or another skilled advisor to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

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